Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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