hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
