her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
