Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
