If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
