My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
