i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
