I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
