I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
