And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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