porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
