butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
