The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
