If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
