Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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