Your face is a jimmy john
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
