did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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