I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
