if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How's work?
Spinning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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