mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
