I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
