I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
