Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
