and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
