So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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