Little spoons don't ask big questions
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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