I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
