dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
