I wannas sexs uuuuu
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
