I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
