My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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