I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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