explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
