Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
