2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
smell my finger.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
