Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
