My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
