If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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