i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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