does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
