I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
