can u get pink eye on your cock?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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