You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
