im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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