Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
