I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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