but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
