I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
