I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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