i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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