it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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